Pocho

Cheryl Aguirre

am i

supposed to be brown?

like leather or coffee with cream

caramel colored sand stone

a reflection of

your frowning face

in a murky creek

how many

spanish word must roll

off of my dumb tongue

before i can

roll my r and trill

un pájaro exótico

enjualado y manso

is there

a number of miles

from the border, or Laredo,

tattooed on my DNA

mixed in my dirty blood

that i must keep?

muddled and tangled

moreno, guero,

gringo?

your siblings’ whispers

your father’s beatings

no ten pareces en nada a él.

papi

estoy cansada

i carry your rejection

deep in the crevices of my bones

folded into my musculature

¿Cómo te hago querer me?

when will you claim me

as your child?

would a paternity test

put your mind at ease?

Esperaba demasiado.

no dije nada cuando

me dejaste sola

gringita apenada

sus manos rezando

una lágrima rueda por su

mejilla pecosa blanca.